XBox One 180s

In the months before launching the Xbox One, Microsoft performed countless180s: “you won’t need always-on internet after all”; “you will be able to lend your games to your friends after all”; “you won’t need a publisher’s consent to sell a game after all”.

You need to do just two 180s before you’ve done a 360.

Microsoft should have just renamed the Xbox One the “Xbox 180″.

Or maybe they could have just called it the “New Xbox 360″.

That would’ve been the ultimate 180.

Two Men Kill Each Other, 100 Years Apart.

The Story

Burke and Virdon are time travelers.

They hate each other.

Today, the two men separately travel into the future.  They travel to the same dates, but in reverse order. Burke travels first to the year 2400, then on to 2300. Virdon travels first to 2300, then on to 2400.

Burke arrives at his first stop: 2400. He finds that Virdon is there too. Burke kills Virdon.

It’s 2400. Virdon is dead. “Good riddance”, says Burke.

Burke then time travels 100 years back in time, to his second destination: 2300. He finds that Virdon is there too. It’s a slightly younger Virdon, who hasn’t yet been to 2400. Virdon hasn’t been killed yet. The still-alive Virdon kills Burke.

It’s 2300. Burke is dead. “Good riddance”, says Virdon.

Virdon then time travels 100 years into the future, to 2400. He is soon killed by Burke. It’s a slightly younger Burke, who hasn’t yet been to 2300. Burke hasn’t been killed yet. The still-alive Burke kills Virdon.

Closing Thoughts

This simple idea was inspired in part by the time traveling shenanigans of Doctor Who and River Song, two time travelers who don’t meet each other in synchronized order. After all, time travelers wouldn’t.

But what if, instead of loving each other, two time travelers hated each other? They could kill each other. Out of order. On different dates.

It’s the seed of a blistering summer blockbuster. Starring Bruce Willis. Or Tom Cruise. (Please not Tom Cruise!)

It’s just a matter of time before a novelist or screen writer reads this, and steals my idea.

Just you wait.

Ebola Hysteria is Ridiculous

CNN Now Agrees With Me:  The Ebola Hysteria is Ridiculous

CNN Now Agrees With Me: The Ebola Hysteria is Ridiculous

This Is Getting Ridiculous

Was it really just four days ago that I criticized CNN for feeding an unnecessary national hysteria about Ebola? What a difference four days make!

Today CNN has decided it is above all that; that CNN is no longer part of the problem; that CNN is now an observer, on the outside, judging and mocking those who feed the climate of fear.

A reformed and newly-enlightened CNN now says of the blanket Ebola coverage: “This is getting ridiculous”. As if CNN was never itself a major contributor to the ridiculousness. As if CNN was not, in fact, the ringleader in the circus of stupidity.

Maybe someone at read my blog post, saw the truth in it, and said “Oh. Wait, wait! Look what it says right here at We’ve been called out. We need to stop this crap.”

The timing is certainly very suspicious. Very coincidental.

I’m not convinced yet that won’t continue to prominently feature Ebola on its home page. But I’m watching.

And judging. And frowning.

Ebola Fatalities in the USA


Nina Pham’s Dog is Fine

Nina Pham is an Ebola patient. Bentley is her dog. Her perfectly healthy dog.

Visit CNN’s home page right now and you’ll learn that a healthy dog is considered front page news.

Bentley may be cute, but he’s not important. He doesn’t need to be the subject of a “live blog” prominently displayed “above the fold” on CNN’s home page.

Where’s the coverage of the news that really matters, CNN?

92 People Violently Die in USA Today

In other non-news: In 2012 there were 33,561 motor vehicle deaths in the United States. That’s an average of about 92 deaths each and every day. Presumably the numbers in 2014 are not wildly different.

Throughout the USA, today’s road fatalities will greatly outnumber today’s Ebola deaths. Nobody, anywhere in the USA, will be killed by the Ebola virus today. But about 92 people will die on the nation’s roads.

So where is the wall-to-wall media coverage? Where are the panicked cries to ban automobile imports and to shut down factories in Detroit? Where is the president’s address-to-the-nation on the epidemic of road fatalities?

If 92 people will die on the nation’s roads today, some of them are dying right now, as you read these words. These people’s deaths are unexpected, premature, violent and tragic. Family members and friends will be devastated. Hundreds of mourners will suffer choking grief for weeks and months to come.

CNN has nothing to say about them.

But Bentley is fine, thank you. Bentley is front-page news. There is nothing wrong with him. Nothing! But he’s on’s home page.

Ebola Hysteria

We’ve had one Ebola fatality in the United States. One. That’s one death in a population of about 318,918,000.

Nina Pham is not dead. She’s infected but she’s alive and so – thank God! – is her dog Bentley.

CNN’s actions here are cynical and manipulative. It’s trying to profit from fear. Read any page on about Ebola and count the “sponsored links” and other advertising accompanying the story. The story exists to drive you to CNN’s advertisers.

You are not going to contract Ebola. The virus is not going to make you sick. It is not going to kill you.

You will never have the opportunity to ingest the bodily fluids of anyone infected with Ebola.

Don’t buy into the media’s manufactured hysteria about the threat Ebola poses to the United States. The hysteria and the fear drive traffic to TV stations, to radio stations and to websites like CNN’s. The media has a vested interest in scaring you. If you’re scared, you’ll stay hungry for more information. You’ll keep coming back. You’ll do your own little part to unwittingly drive’s page views into the stratosphere. And CNN can use those page views to lure advertisers. “Hey, look at all the traffic is getting. Advertise with us and reach millions of suckers who are 100% guaranteed gullible and ready to absorb any message they’re given.”

Frowning Judgment

The page you’re now reading mentions Ebola multiple times. It also mentions Nina Pham and her dog, Bentley. As a result, it will be awarded some arbitrary page rank in Google’s search results for those terms.

Here, however, there is no advertising. This web page about Ebola, at, contains no advertising because I’m not a douche bag trying to profit from the misery of the thousands of sick and dying people in Africa.

This page exists because I refuse to be manipulated by profit-driven, scare-mongering big media. And I encourage you to do the same.

Barber Shop Ejaculation

I was at a barber shop a few days ago. Getting my hair cut.

The barber at some point felt the need to interrupt my thoughts with some energetic spluttering about what a beautiful day it was. The commentary was sudden, unprompted and utterly unexpected: an ejaculation without masturbation. And as he sprayed me with his narrative goo, I wondered what minimal response might metaphorically wipe him dry without encouraging him to bust another nut.

I wanted to sit in peace.

It wasn’t a beautiful day. It was a crappy fall day. There was a foreboding darkness in the atmosphere, and a distinct chill was gathering strength.

But the sky was blue, and for my barber, that was enough to announce a beautiful day.

The most beautiful spring day is more beautiful than the most beautiful fall day. Each day in spring is a promise: a confident assurance that there is more growth, more renewal and more warmth yet to come.

Every fall day is an increasingly-apparent threat.

Just to be polite to my barber, I grunted in agreement. That’s right, I faked it.

And hoped he was spent.